I made it to training this morning, which I'm happy for, but it was really, really hard for me. Not to get up, but to spar.
I'm slow. And It's hard not to compare yourself to others, period. I stink at it and have a tough time putting it all together. I've never been very mechanical as a person, and have been much more of a thinker. But instead of going on about it and how even me slow today is a lot faster than me at any point in the last few years, I'm just going to commit to going to training 2x a day, no matter what, and then doing whatever other training I want in the meantime.
Monday starts my 4-week challenge, and I can't wait. I just haven't been happy in the last week because I'm not doing enough. The weather changed, my sleep got messed up, more and more people were partying outside my room later and later at night........and what a ricochet effect it all had on me.
Plus, I'm very hormonal right now. Like as in a "I read the poem Footprints this morning, online, and got all choked up" kind of hormonal. I have cramps and just want to cry really bad! I almost did this morning, nothing I was doing was right. Nothing. Everything I did got corrected. Everything. I remember our fighter Lindsey telling me she's had sessions where she just cried afterwards, and now I understand the feeling. However, I got what I deserved for having not been training recently.
I can't NOT go to a session because I don't like doing what we are learning that day. I've kind of stayed within my comfort zones the last couple of weeks, seeing as how new this is to me it's all a bit uncomfortable. But honestly, this morning sparring it really showed. I can do the moves individually, but putting it allll together challenges me in a way that I'm not used to at all, especially since my coordination has been under attack for the last decade or so. And it was enough to wake me up.
I wonder if I also have a hard time with just hitting on people a bit. I thought that it might be therapuetic, and I'm glad for the self-defense, but growing up I was always against stuff like boxing as a "sport" because it's so violent. And now here I am, LOL! Never say never, and I do love the aggressiveness of Muay Thai, but I do feel it's possible that that is a an obstacle in my presence. Not sure if it's due to the girl or the Gandhi in me, but yeah, while I'm okay with being hit and it even hurting, I'm still learning to feel comfortable hitting actual people. I always had a lot of "fight" in me, but towards issues and stuff. And my weapon is my pen or my mouth. Using or even relying on my body, which I'm used to just numbing or having FAIL ME, is quite another world for me. THAT is the reality I'm facing right now. Then again, I may be totally fine with beating on others and it's just an issue of skills and speed.
Ultimately, I realize that I'm not proud of this but my tendency - like many others - is to avoid what I don't like, even if it will make me a better person or fighter. Or even to quit. This comes easy to nobody (least of all me, but still). Yes, I dare say that right now I'm dealing with the stress of wanting to quit but of course not wanting to quit, which is being heavily influenced by my hormones right now, so I don't want to give it any attention. Especially since I LOVE Thailand, I LOVE Muay Thai, and I LOVE my trainers. I just don't love MYSELF too much right now because I seem to be getting in my own way all week! None of this is easy to admit, but it feels good to be getting to the root of the problem. Confuscious said, "It doesn't matter how slow you go, just don't stop". And Confuscious is right. I've been starting and stopping, starting and stopping. And doing okay for myself until this past week, but still, I need to make it to every session, regardless. And will. It's what I'm here to do.
A lot of the people around me are designing their "own" workout plans and coming up with "better" ways to get fit in the tropics; some of them are only doing one training session a day, skipping entire days, or are incorporating other stuff (which isn't a bad idea), etc. Others are injured, which is quite easy to do here. Bob's back is still out, Viola sprained her ankle in her first day or two; that is the flipside of forcing yourself to train when you are tired, and the beginning of why I took some time off: training on zero sleep is NOT wise to do, so I automatically missed three days off the bat. Then you take a sleep-aid and it has the opposite effect where it's harder to wake up. It's a fine line between pushing yourself and forcing yourself.
I wish I could afford the VIP lessons. They are only $15 each, but that's $150 for just two weeks, which is a lot of money for me right now. If I'm living on my nutrition shakes next month, I may just DO IT for two weeks, though. This month I really, really, really want to improve. I'll be at every session for two weeks, then VIP the last two weeks of the month if I keep my promise to myself. Or, rather, WHEN I keep my promise to myself.
For right now the plan is that I'm eating right, training, hitting the beach or pool Saturday afternoon and - to be honest - am going out all night Saturday in Patong, and I cannot wait. If ANYBODY needs a drink this weekend, it's Me! It'll feel good knowing that I'll be past all the bullshit with myself and ready to just train hard, with a competition to keep me motivated to boot!
7 comments:
I forgot to say - the speed WILL come. My trainer said that to me and I found it hard to believe. When I first started, I was slow and frustrated, but when you learn your technique the speed will follow. Practice speed on bags, don't give up. Don't just do short combinations, do at least 6-12 punches each. I even sometimes do 50. Vary your shots. When you spar, try to do long combos as well, you get used to it and the speed will come. Trust me.
Laura
Sorry, I just read your whole post. Boxing is very emotional - you always push yourself and who wants to be beaten, haha? But that's the hook, it is so emotional it takes you, because you always stretch your limits, it is amazing. I have wanted to cry many times after training cause I've felt like I've been shit. But mostly, even if I don't WANT go training and go anyway, I feel ALWAYS like a winner afterwards, I feel so amazing I have not figured any other way of feeling so damn great!! I think you DO need to get out of your comfort zone, push it, then it will get easier. It won't kill you.
Many people (who don't box) think it's pointless beating up one anther but hey, I rather box with people I like than enemies. You need skill, it's like physical chess. Hit them! That's what they're there for!! I don't usually even feel pain because of all the adrenaline.
And for being emotional, it is ALWAYS much better to feel anything than to feel nothing at all. Enjoy the challenges and the changing and evolving you - you can do it!
Laura
WOW, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH. It IS like physical chess, I know that. That's kind of the metaphor I was looking for. Honestly, I was just an ignorant tool for thinking it was just beating on someone, it's very difficult and I have a lot of respect for the sport(s) NOW.
I am going to work on the bags, and I KNOW the speed will come, especially as I get in shape. You're right too that when I do something after not wanting to (when I make myself), I always feel good. I'm excited about my refreshed outlook. Speaking of which, it's almost 4pm and I have to go wrap my hands.
:-)
To practice Yoga in the West we are invited to embrace Mind/Body principles. This resonates with us because we are strong in mind.
Practicing martial arts requires that we accept Body/Mind principles that challenge our weakness and imbalance.
Seek empty mindedness during training. Patience will be your key to success. Meditate and breathe.
i'm keen to see u succeed with ur plan to train twice every day for the month. but please take care not to injure urself!!
regarding speed, i find myself a lot faster, stronger and better coordinated (especially with kicks) when i'm lower in weight and my fitness level is high. and of course sheer repetition increases speed. to begin with though, i think technique is far more important than speed. so what if u can do it really fast but it's mostly wrong??
and i absolutely agree with the comment on the importance of breathing.
after my first year of martial arts, my second coach pointed out to me that i used to hold my breath and sometimes stick out my tongue during reps!!!!
SO FUNNY -
I did technique training with Lindsey today and learned sooooooooo much; my footwork/stance is really my biggest menace and obstacle right now, and I'm doing another one with her Monday before she leaves for Australia so I CORRECT THESE BAD HABITS. And she totally had me breathe right. Then again, she's a personal trainer, fighter, muay thai instrudctor AND YOGA TEACHER. And a good communicator with a sharp eye. I'M SO LUCKY!
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